Previously posted May 27th 2016.
You were standing in the living room.
-You are not coming.
You stayed still. No twitch, no pouting, not even the beginning of a question as to why I didn’t want you to tag along. To say the truth, I probably would have been disapointed in your lack of reaction if it hadn’t been of your eyes…
Subtly, your eyes had turned from their usual hazel brown to a clear green color. Sorrow green. It was always like that. Your betraying eyes always told me the truth. “Mind reader!” You’d throw my way, with your usual heartwarming smile, every time I’d ask why you were sad.
This time, I didn’t ask.
You needed to mourn, and I needed to be alone…
-Tu as raison.
“I don’t do French”… That’s what I would have replied, but I didn’t want to add to your pain. Your eyes were still dry, but their coloration almost hurt me. The contrast with your smile was heartwrenching.
You walked to me, and passing by, close enough to make your blouse sleeve brush against my side, your hand picked mine, and you led me to the room, naturally. I sat on the footboard, and you walked to the window to undress slowly in the sunlight, your back turned to me, leaving only your silhouette to stare at. Backlit, you sprayed your body with your signature perfume, almost ignoring my presence in the room. You had pulled your hair in a bun for the hike and you were now letting it back down, letting it flow like a black fall on your shoulders…
You looked like a fairy in the light, a dangerous fairy for that matter. When you turned your head to the side, reaching an arm, pointing besides me, I had to shake up my thoughts to get back the feeling of the ground beneath my feet.
I handed you the silky robe that was folded on the bed. You slipped in it, moving like a feline, still silent. Tying the belt around your waist, you stood in front of me, looking down on me, without the slightest pinch of reproach in your manga eyes.
Reaching out, I put my hands on your hips, and pulled you towards me. My mouth was watering at the thought of kissing your soft belly. My head was taken over by the souvenirs of our nights of lust. I knew too damn well the warmth of your skin, and the enchantment of your deep sighs as I did my best to please you in the still of the darkness.
Taking my hands off your hips, you helped me up, never leaving my gaze.
– Just kiss me…
I bent down on you and pressed my lips against yours… You always ended up getting what you wanted from me… It was a pleasure to get you whatever your heart wished for, but it scared me all the same. You had never really tried to make me settle down, but I feared it would come to it.
I just couldn’t risk letting you drive me completely crazy. And there, with my fingers running through your hair, and our mouths joined in what tasted like a fairwell kiss, I was filled with the worst doubts. Should I go on with my plans, or grow up and give you the key to my heart, with all the risks it implied…
As always, you felt my thoughts going astray, and you pulled away a little. I just wanted to pick you up and throw you on the bed’s fluffy duvet. But you took a step back and spoke again.
– You need to go now… You’ll never clear your thoughts if you don’t do things your way first.
I nodded, and took a moment to let the numbness of our kissing wear off a little. You were a witch of some kind, you had to be… In the past, I had always been able to turn my back when women had tried to trick me into serious relationships.
I had given a shot at chasing you away from my mind a few times already, even if you hadn’t tried to lock me up just yet… In vain. As soon as I had run away to the mountains, I had felt the urge to rush back to civilisation.
This time, I had to really reflect on what I wanted.
I would drive to the mountains, establish a camp for the night and leave as soon as the sun would rise…
– Come over here…
I leaned towards you, and wrapped my arms around you. Bending a little, I let my nose follow the side of your head, down your neck, all the way to your right shoulder, smelling the sweet smell of your perfume for one last time. I kissed your pale skin before letting go of our embrace.
I walked out of the room, heading straight for the door, not looking back, except at the moment I picked up my backpack waiting for me near the front entrance of your apartment.
You didn’t follow me… I could only hear your soft voice singing in the room.
“Dis quand reviendras-tu? Dis, au moins le sais-tu?….”
And I was out the door…