Everytime she let herself relive the moment she lay in his arms, she wondered… Wondered what would have happened if…
She had come to realize that the world was split in two. People who thought they had only one life to live, and willing to enjoy every opportunity that presented itself. The others lived by strict rules, believing that keeping a straight focus and control over their acts would bring great payback in the end.
That night, she had discovered the thin line between the two.
They were out of town for a couple of days. Each of them far from their usual lives. He attended a congress, and she was in the capital to meet an important client of her firm, and set some details for the contract she had managed to close.
She knew he’d be in a hotel close to hers, and it wasn’t a surprise when he had invited her for dinner. Nothing inappropriate, just a meal between two old friends that had not had the chance to meet in years.
For some reason, she had put a little more effort in looking as pretty as she could. She didn’t need to seduce anymore at home. Her husband knew her in her best and worst days, and she didn’t feel the need to pamper herself, it seemed to make no difference for him. But she curiously needed him to tell her she looked good that night. She wondered if he felt the same. She wondered if that was wrong from her.
They had met in the lobby. He looked luminous. So different from the young man she once had known… Dressed up for the occasion, he was a lot more handsome than she had imagined. Which didn’t matter really, they were only out to eat after all…
Catching up on the long years that had drawn them apart, over the delicious meal, conversation had gone smooth and easy, as she remembered in their earlier years. Fancy wine was poured in her glass as soon as her glass ended up empty, and her shyness just vanished as they reminded themselves of good times, and common friends lost in the mists of their lives. Her giggles were honest and she greeted every anecdote with a good share of them.
“Why didn’t we end up together, back then?”
She had not been able to answer the sudden question. It was a mystery… It just hadn’t happened, she guessed. Now she was happily married, or about as happily as one could be. And he had a special someone, she didn’t feel the need to know more about than he had already mentionned.
She had caught herself wondering how things would have been, living all those years with him, instead of settling for the comfortable life she had chosen. Thought she had quickly chased away, knowing it was useless anyway, now.
They had shared a cab to her hotel, and as he was laying a goodbye peck on her cheek, thanking her for the lovely evening, she had surprised herself murmuring as if she already knew it was wrong,
“Would you like to come upstairs, and talk a little longer?”
He had just nodded and before she knew it, they were getting comfortable on the couch of her 19th floor suite.
The sofa was large, large enough, indeed, to sit half a dozen people without feeling crowded. But she had naturally scooched close to him, although she knew she probably should have kept a secure distance between them.
He had streched his arm out, and she had cuddled against his chest, naturally. As he spoke softly to her ear, she had wondered where to trace the line between what was appropriate, and what wasn’t. Her hand soon crawling on his torso, she wondered if she really felt his racing heartbeat, or if she so wished to that she just imagined it.
He had run his fingers through her hair… Stroking it slowly as their conversation went on, innocently, and she wondered if he also wondered how it would be to just shut up and lead her to the bed, in the next room. When her fingers found his bare skin, at the base of his throat, she fought not to undo the first button of his shirt, sending the clear signal she wanted more from this night than she’d admit to.
This very moment, she wanted to feel his warm breath on her skin, his hands on her longing body. She knew it would feel good to let his warm lips pull long moans out of her. She knew he’d be good. Period.
She had sworn fidelity. She remembered, but the temptation was so alluring. That’s when she had started to consider the thin line between living life to the fullest, and keeping her promises. The line seemed to be blurry, it seemed to move like a wave, hard to figure clearly and to put her finger on…
When he had kissed her on the jawbone, working his way to her ear lobe, her hand had quickly moved to the nap of his neck. The feeling of his freshly cut hair tickled her fingertips, and she allowed herself to put a toe on the other side of the line.
Ready to give in… Ready to succumb.
Lust was just like death, she thought. Her whole life at home flashing before her eyes. What about her children? What about her husband? What about the lying and knowing he would probably not give up what he had for her anyway….
Why give up peace of mind for a night of exquisite pleasure in his arms? Well, for that, exactly. Her thoughts were spinning out of control, his insisting nibbling numbing her senses as she tried to keep a clear head.
If only the phone rang. If only he came to his senses, not leaving her with the final decision…
As his hand worked his way on her stomach, almost winning her over, she managed to pull every ounce left of courage in her, and broke free of his embrace.
“I can’t… I’m sorry. I just can’t…”
She feared the faint, shaky whisper would only make him insist. She knew she wouldn’t be able to push him away twice. She silently begged that he would agree it wasn’t a good idea.
He was a gentleman, and not rushing out, he had led the conversation for a moment, until it seemed fair to say goodbye. Taking his coat on the back of the couch, he headed for the door.
She had walked close behind him, still shaken. Just before disappearing in the corridor, he had turned around, had wrapped his arms around her and leaned to her ear.
“We’ll meet again, Gorgeous… Someday.”
“Someday indeed”, she thought for herself, watching him walk away.