Hiding behind a painted smile, wondering… Letting days go by, and silently weighing in the pain. Is it really worthwhile? She doesn’t want to hear the answer, this voice within screaming words cutting deeper in her soul than the sharpest knives.

Pretty dress, fancy shoes, perfect make up… Studied camouflage making her look like a warrior though she knows she already lost the fight. Only she knows. Her stoic stare, embracing the world, yelling behind the bulletproof window of her lost mind.

The pain… All too real, ever present. Greeting her as she wakes up and weighing on her shoulders through the day. The hurt of living, of dealing alone with the truth lying inside her. The unfillable void. The dark abyss wrapped in her skin.

Wondering, if pulling the trigger would be bravery or cowardness. Staring down the barrel, feeling the answer is at the other end of the tunnel. Longing for peace, for once, at last. Wanting so desperately for the storm to pass.

But…

Somehow finding the strenght to lay down her arms, again. Postponing the end a little, wondering if… Knowing that… Hoping still… Realizing pain can only last so long. Pushing hard, against the bottom of her life, and up, slowly to the surface. Holding her breath just a little longer.

Dreaming, even if dreams burn her bruised soul. Dreaming about the understanding smile of a friend… Dreaming about the comforting arms of a lover… Dreaming about one single day out of Hell. She knows it must be worth it.

Waking in tears and sweat, from this almost endless nightmare. Feeling reborn. Bearing the invisible scars of her inner death battle, a reminder that she was her own foe. Her worst enemy and her best ally. The riddle and the key.

In the end, grateful to still be living. Knowing how many lose the fight.

Everyday.

 

 

#NovemberNotes2017 – 1-80-273-8255 * Logic ft. Alessia Cara & Khalid

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In response to November Notes Writing Challenge by  Sarah Doughty of Heartstring Eulogies, Rosema from A Reading Writer and Máh from Writing is my Pensieve.❤