Have you ever watched Idiocracy?

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The movie was meant to be a comic fiction about a future in which humanity has slowly gone down the slope, making the general population incredibly dumb, because it relied on technology advances for about 500 years.

What scares me, is that sometimes I feel like we are headed that way. We’re only in 2019, just 13 years after Idiocracy was released, and sometimes, I see signs of this dangerous drop into general dumbness.

To me, the government’s job (aside from spending countless hours in meetings, discussing pointlessly) is to make sure that I can go to a decent hospital and be taken care of if I have any kind of health issue. That young people receive proper education. That elders keep aging in dignity. That highways, roads and public infrastructures stay safe to use… You know, that kind of things.

But I recently learnt that we, as a society, apparently need reminders of very basic facts. Right now, in Québec, the government is paying our good tax money to have ads played on tv, about how it is important to drink water.

*Sigh*

You think I am joking, right? Nope! They even have a website (you know, just in case the tv ad would have tickled your curiosity regarding said mysterious water drinking) and you can check it out here.

So, since I care about you Lovelies, and I consider myself to be reasonably street-smart, I decided to make a list of reminders for you all. I am considering forwarding the link to Québec’s Prime Minister, as my humble contribution to the nation. Who knows? I might get a street named after me for the favor!

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Drink water!

I won’t take credit for this one, but it is definately worth mentionning. Water is absolutely effective to make the unpleasant feeling of being thirsty go away. There is no known side-effect to drinking water, and there is no contraindication to consuming it. Please note that there is water in most liquids, but not all liquids should be used to quench your thirst. Gas, cleaning products and convenience store wine are just a few examples of liquids that shouldn’t be drunk. To keep things simple, stick with water!

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Eat!

Although water might momentarely make you feel like you are full, it doesn’t quite feed your body. It is nice to be properly hydrated, but you’ll need energy to (try to) survive in our perilous world. In general, pretty much anything can be eaten, once. To have a nice, carefree life, I recommend staying away from all the one-timers. I can’t obviously go through the list of all things you can and shouldn’t eat. I still want to talk about Denmark, you know? But here are a few examples, because I am a nice person. ”Things I recommend eating’‘: Fruit, vegetables, cheese, animals in general, bread and pastries… Little tip, if you got it in a grocery store, it is fairly safe to eat. ”Things I don’t recommend eating”: Rocks, clothes, pens, needles, broken pieces of glass and paper. Little tip, if it’s hard to chew, don’t swallow it.

Beware of fire!

Fire is hot. Being hot and burning is the only function of fire, and everything you put into a fire will also become very hot, so you should keep your hands (and any other body part) away from fire at all costs. You might think ”yeah, but fire also produces light, and light is nice!” True, but that’s just fire’s way to trick you into bringing it in your home. And we invented lamps for that.

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Keep breathing!

This might come as an easy one. For now. But if our brains were to get dumber and lose the innate reflex of breathing air, remembering to inhale and exhale would be crucial. Not only to be able sigh or whistle. Keep in mind that breathing is the first thing we check when a baby gets born, and the last sign of life, when someone dies. Make it a priority, unless you are under water. When under water, don’t breathe! Breathing water would be really bad for you. Probably worse than not breathing air.

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You know what? Stay away from water… Except for drinking.

I know, living is complicated!

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This post was previously published on November 9th of 2019. Unfortunately, the last three and a half years seem to have proven me right. 

I remembered writing this humorous piece after watching Idiocracy again this afternoon, in between chores, during my spring cleaning of the apartment. If you’ve never seen that movie, I highly recommend it. It is not a masterpiece, but I truly believe that it should be a warning to all of us.

Let’s not let ourselves get dumber by letting computers and artificial intelligence do everything for us. Let’s keep learning stuff, instead of forgetting how to do things.

Because the above tips were jokes, and I’d like them to remain as such.