Blogging · Me myself and I · Thoughts

There is no kidding with suicide!

Cyranny

I am still shaking as I write this.

This will not be well writen, my wording or spelling will surely suffer from the adrenaline rush I am not about to come down from.

Just last week, a blogger I don’t know personally attempted suicide and left a letter on her blog after taking a huge amount of pills. She was rescued in-extremis, after some bloggers got involved and teamed up to get emergency services to her house.

 

Tonight, as I was doing my things, I came across a post from a blogger I know well. In short, it was the letter of a man describing his last day on Earth, suggesting that he would end his days this very night.

I know that this person writes fiction. And I know that he is not the type of person who I would suspect to put an end to his own life, someday. But I know for a fact that anyone can come to that “solution” at any point of their life! And although I know he would most probably never go public to announce he is about to do it, there is no guarantee he wouldn’t.

Now, I know this writer well enough to point out some slight details that made the “fictional” suicide letter suspicious to me.

I freaked.

I looked in the tags, for a “fiction” or “just story” something. I poundered, thought and re-thought. I told myself it probably was just another story, well writen, as usual. But doubt was killing me.

I wrote to him.

I waited a bit, but I just couldn’t leave it at that.

I texted him. No reply.

I wrote to a couple of people who know him, so they’d try getting in touch.

The minutes were passing by, no one getting back to me…  My thoughts were torn between this possibly being “just a story” and him being really upset for my useless reach for help, and the fact that God knows why, he might be about to kill himself, in which case, his friendship would be of no use anymore, anyway.

It killed me, but I wrote to a couple of his family members.

And I called him on his cell phone. I left a message, saying that if this was in fact “just a story”, he needed to tell me. Otherwise, and if nobody had reassured me in the meanwhile, I would take action, and call emergency services in his town.

I got a concise confirmation that everything was fine.

 

Now, this person is angry at me. And I presume angry is a mild word. I understand.

Did I feak out? Abso-fucking-lutely!

 

I went back and appologized to every person I contacted during my raid to prevent the inevitable, like a headless chicken. Everytime I hit the “send” button, it hurt to know that I had fucked up.

Needless to say, I feel devastated right now. And I am not saying that lightly.

 

I am not writing this to get sympathy pats in the back and “you did the right thing” comments. I’m writing this to tell anyone thinking about writing this kind of story, they should make it clear that they are, just fiction.

Suicide is not a subject to play around with. In doubt I’ll do anything it takes to make sure people get the need they help…

Again… Have I fucked up tonight? Yes.

Do I regret that friend hating me for it? Yes.

 

I will be off for a while, as this has seriously shaken my very core. Even if I feel relieved that this was just fiction, I don’t feel like writing anything else for the moment…

 

P.S. I know you won’t be reading this. I’ll be writing to you, when my thoughts are less of a mess. But if you DO read this, for some reason, just know that imagining you “could” be attempting to end your life was one of the worst thing I had to go through in my life. Nothing I have done, I’ve done gladly, and nothing I’ve done, I’ve done intending to cause harm. Au contraire…

27 thoughts on “There is no kidding with suicide!”

  2. Many years ago as an EMT/Firefighter, I once physically restrained someone who was on the ledge of a roof top about to jump. I was successful in saving the persons life, though I faced a LOT of criticism from my boss and supervisor, but it was worth it.

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  4. Wow, what a crazy experience, but you did the right thing and really have nothing to apologize for. Suicide tragically took to life of a man close to our daughter and her boyfriend, and it has left a devastating hole in everyone’s life. We would give anything for someone to have been able to intervene. Imagine how everyone feel if this blogger had been serious and no one reached out. Honestly, it really is unfair for people to write stuff like that and not be clear that it is fiction. Hope you are able to find peace in your time off from blogging.

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  5. My opinion only, but –
    – Don’t blame yourself for doing the right thing.
    – It’s not your fault if other people don’t appreciate it.
    – It’s not fair for someone to blame you for their mistake – but people do that all the time, not taking responsibility for their actions.
    – We should all be so lucky to have friends prepared to go waaaay out on a limb for us, like you did for him.
    – Don’t hesitate to do it again.

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  6. Once your friend calms down, you two should be able to discuss just how his writing affected you and why you did what you did to save him from a bad decision. I firmly believe it is always better to err on the side of caution.

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  8. You definitely did the right thing. Posts about suicide freak me out terribly, and I’m pretty sure that I would’ve done the same thing if I was in your place. And don’t worry. The person you’re talking about will come around and will understand your feelings behind whatever you did and that whatever you did had good and concerned intentions. Honestly, suicide isn’t a joke and is an issue that needs to be addressed sincerely. So anyone, anywhere, will take it seriously out of concern. Don’t stress yourself out, cause whatever you did was absolutely right.

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  9. You are soooo very right, you don’t play around with suicide! I know you didn’t write this in order to have people tell you that you did the right thing, but I am going to tell you that anyway! You did do the right thing!! You were a CARING Friend who did not turn their head on what may have possibly been a cry for help!!
    In my honest opinion, I am not so sure that your friend was writing total fiction and this is why. Their response to you! Maybe their real anger is because you by stirring up attention among their family and friends stopped them from their plan?
    The ONLY reason I am saying this for I have no clue as to who your friend is, but I know that if my friends were contacting my family and friends because they were concerned about me I would be bending over with apologies to them, I would not be mad! I would feel grateful that I knew there was someone out there listening, someone that cared!
    Just my thoughts. ((((HUGS)))) to you!

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  12. I actually thought the other attempted suicide was a post about something in the past. When I got to the end I realized it was in progress. I read some comments where people on her twitter account had already contacted authorities. It is disheartening to think someone would write a suicide and not make it clear that it is fiction. It is not a laughing matter. You did nothing wrong. Suicide happens a lot and it has to be taken seriously, better to have checked and passed the word, than not to have cared. Too bad if he is pissed about it. Sorry you had to go through that!

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  13. Cyranny dear heart … I’ve been missing you so much as your posts throughout the day are a burst of sunshine! So I scrolled back thinking it was your upset tummy to find this [no idea how i missed it!] … they’ve all said it above.
    This is a subject that must be taken seriously and the authorities notified. I often check with the author if a post sounds too down/depressed and they claim it’s fiction but I feel relieved that I didn’t ignore it. You were right to worry and he is a clux to not mention it was creative writing.
    And if he doesn’t realise the enormity of your love and commitment you don’t need him as a friend! love light and hugs .. 🙂

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  15. You didn’t do anything wrong, you just cared. That’s more than I can say for a lot of other people. And if a blogger who cried wolf is going to get snotty about how you reacted, then that’s just one more confirmation of how much this world has gone all to hell.

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  17. Je suis sincèrement touchée par ton texte. Cette histoire ressemble à un fait vécu par mois dans le passé. J’étais la personne à risque et quelqu’un a fait ces démarches. J’ai été en colère. Les conséquences sur ma vie on été grandes sur ma vie. J’ai été en colère contre cette personne. Ma vie a changé et les gens autour de moi m’ont considéré différemment. Puis j’ai pardonné cette personne et me suis excusé quand j’ai compris.

    Plus tard, la vie m’a mise de l’autre côté. Du même que toi et j’ai vécu toute la tension, l’impuissance et l’anxiété. Je comprends. C’est extrêmement difficile comme situation. Au moins dans ton histoire personne n’est réellement en danger. Tu n’as pas à t’en vouloir, tu n’as pas échoué ou été inadéquate. Ne te juges pas si sévèrement.

    Moi j’ai perdu la personne que j’ai aidé. Elle a été sauvé plus d’une fois mais ça n’aura pas suffit.

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  19. An old friend left a message on my phone the other day. A very old friend. Nothing special – just “give me a call when you have a moment”. I had lots of moments. But I didn’t call. Then I thought, after about a week, shit – maybe he needs me, maybe he’s sick, maybe he’s really in a hole. But I still didn’t ring. I was in a bit of a hole myself, at the time. Eventually, when the fog cleared, I picked up the phone. I called him. And he was fine. He wanted to meet for a beer in Hong Kong.
    BUT ….. he could have been in trouble …. he could have needed me …. and I would have let him down.
    So, my dear Cyranny, the world needs more like you. To make up for people like me.
    Firemen are called to more false alarms than the real thing. But they still respond to every call.
    Thank God for firemen.

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    1. Thanks for sharing 🙂

      Warm welcome to The Cove! I hope I’ll see you around again soon!

      P.S. I am really curious… Why FreyaAlice, I am asking because my cat’s name is Freja, which is just another spelling of Freya, and both names are quite uncommon 🙂

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  24. Thank you for being safe instead of sorry. I will take someone’s anger over the Los of them anyway!

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