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Cyranny’s quickie!

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Should women be careful about how they dress and behave when they go out by themselves?

 

 

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19 thoughts on “Cyranny’s quickie!

  1. I don’t think that we should have to be concerned about how we dress or look when going out on our own. My choice of clothing is not anyone’s choice. Yes there are things one does not wear to certain places as deemed by society but on a whole what I wear is up to me. And if I can teach my T that and he can teach others maybe the world stands a chance. 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  2. I don’t know how to answer the question. The night I was attacked, it had been very hot all day. I was wearing a knee-length navy skirt, not a pencil skirt, it was quite flowy. I had a wrap round blue blouse on with capped sleeves. I was also wearing navy ballet pump style shoes. I didn’t have any cleavage showing. You could see my face, bare arms, and my legs from knee to ankle were bare. I did not consider any of my clothing immodest on that roasting hot day. I was wearing much more than most people who were sunbathing or running in the park.

    It was not my choice of clothing that put me at risk, it was being alone, late at night in a dark part of the park, when everyone else had gone home. I was made more vulnerable by being tired, dehydrated, emotionally upset so that I did not stop to think about my safety.

    But regardless of what happened to me….I would not choose to wear clothes that did reveal more than I wanted strangers to see or be interested in of me. I would much prefer for strangers not to see parts of me I only want Jack to enjoy. I think choice of clothing relates to the activity you are involved in though. At work, I would not wear revealing clothing, nor on our projects for charities. But if I was going swimming, sure I am going to wear a swimming costume and strangers will see much more of me. But would I go out into a city, to pubs, bars etc in clothing that could stir up interest in me before I had even opened my mouth and uttered a sensible sentence? Nope! But that is me.

    What other women who don’t feel the same way about their precious bodies or are not concerned about receiving unwanted attention, or not in agreement with me about the wise way to attract a kind, lovely man…..well they are free to make their choices. I think it is slightly foolish and naive though to choose to wear revealing clothing to go to locations that are well known for a culture of “easy-pick-ups” or flirting to find someone to spend the night with….if you don’t want that to happen. I think it is foolish and naive to assume that all in attendance will know what is “ok” and what is really not ok. Most women would go in groups for safety. But someone who makes themselves more vulnerable by being out late, on their own could cross paths with a very sinister character….regardless of what they are wearing.

    What am I saying? Maybe it is just something that we have to accept – if you drive wear a seatbelt and keep looking at the road and checking your mirrors. If you cycle, wear a helmet and be careful on the roads. If you open the oven to remove a dish, wear oven gloves. If you are on a construction site, wear steel toe capped boots and a hard hat and a high-vis tabard. If you know there is a danger out there, and you want to protect yourself – make wise choices, don’ make yourself vulnerable.

    As someone who has been the victim of a violent sexual attack….I would recommend that being safety conscious and mindful that there are people who are seriously tarnished by material available on the internet, by a perversely toxic culture and a complete lack of moral compass….none of the small decisions to say no to going to a certain area, no to going home alone, no to a way of dress are in any way going to harm you or hurt you as much as the trauma of a sexual assault or violent attack.

    You may love swimming, but swimming where there are strong currents or swarms of stinging jelly fish – it is a foolish choice to make. Swimming where it is safer should not make you feel as if your freedom is being restricted. You are just being wise and recognizing a dangerous hazard
    that could have a massive impact on your health, and even could mean a loss of life.

    So just be wise. Have fun, but do it in a way that won’t put your wellbeing at risk.

    Liked by 5 people

    1. You said this so well, I 100 percent agree! Being smart about taking precautions is not having our freedom restricted, its just being wise in a world that we know is far from perfect!
      So very sorry that you were attacked! Horrible! I hope your heart is healing. ❤

      Liked by 2 people

      1. I am sure it did, how couldn’t it. My dear daughter suffered sexual abuse from a person, who was supposed to have been a “family friend!” It was horrible and it was years ago, but yes, it has had a huge impact on her life.

        Liked by 1 person

    2. I was thinking about this last night. I just wanted to mention something in relation to dress. I have lost count of how many times I was faced with indecent behaviour from men on public buses in London. But they were almost always in broad day light, with other passengers nearby, and I was wearing very modest clothing. Normally I would be wearing something suitable for office work, tights – either black opaque tights in winter or neutral coloured in the spring (maybe bare legs in the very warm weather) – boots or sensible shoes (rarely heels) and a rain coat. I was dressed sensibly and appropriately for the professional environment. So it was not my choice of dress that had anything to do with the very improper behaviour of men who asked me out, asked me for my number (not crimes, and usually a “no thanks” was enough to deter them) or much worse….made lewd remarks to me, tried to touch my legs or try to kiss me.

      But it made it very clear to me that if there were men who could behave that way in broad daylight in public when I was dressed sensibly…..then there was likely to be much worse behavior in other places.

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  3. Whether we like it or not, there are different rules for guys and girls. Guys can feel safer about being alone outside late at night, period!
    We can gripe about how its not fair that we should watch how we dress or not be out alone in dark places, etc but it doesn’t change the facts.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I think there is a huge amount of truth in that. But my first awareness of a sexual assault/crime against someone I knew was when I was 13 years of age. A tall, strong, good looking 14 year old boy in our school year was off school for a few months. We found out that three men had carried out a sexual attack on him not far from where our school was. I remember how confident and outgoing he was before he was off school. When he came back to school, he was broken. It was deeply shocking to all of us. I remember shortly before we finished school, one of my friends started going out with him, and she adored him very much. But it was not easy for either of them.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. I think the clothing doesn’t make the attack. The attack, the rape, the unwanted touching, whatever happens will happen no matter what you’re wearing if that’s what the rapist wants. It can be « bad place, bad time », it can be « being with the wrong people », but not the clothing. I think the clothes only enter the equation post-attack, it’s a knee-jerk reaction to feel safe for the people from outside the situation, judging it. Judges (real goddamn judges) who said that if a woman goes on a date with sexy panties, it means she wanted it, therefore it’s not rape. I think the question of clothing is to make people (women) feel safe; « Oh I wouldn’t wear what she wore, it won’t happen to me ». And to relieve men of guilt « it’s not all OUR fault, she showed all the signs of interest, how could I know ».

    All the women in my entourage wear what they wear for themselves, whether it’s classy, sexy, comfy, sporty… They wear it to feel confident, to feel good, or even « just because ». None of them wear it for men.

    I think the clothing doesn’t make the rape, the clothing makes the judgment of the rape. I don’t know which one is sadder.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. So I just realized I didn’t even answer the question, I answered the question behind the question! No, I don’t think women should be concerned with what they wear, but try to to take precautions (not being alone outside at night). But you know, even then. Sometimes it happens in a resort in a bathroom in plain day. So maybe never be alone? What a sad thought.

      My hope lies in the fact that I see all those women that I know and love, growing and wanting a better world for future women and I KNOW they are either currently raising or going to raise boys that know what consent is. And girls that can raise such men. I have hope for a brighter future. Where would we be without hope?

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Yes. Absolutely! But here’s where I differ: men should too. Not so much dressing – I think you can wear whatever you want and should be able to – for both genders (although I admit, that women must be smarter about this then guys have to be). Behavior, absolutely. For every girl out there who is not watching her own behavior, there’s a man out there with ROTTEN behavior who will be the one to hurt her if given the chance. So I think both genders should watch their behavior when they go out. A guy doesn’t know when he’ll come face-to-face with a woman that can obliterate him.

    Liked by 2 people

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