This might come as a bit on the negative side, but it is not at all.
I probably just think too much, but I can’t help it. I look around, at people, at things, at events, I stare and I wonder.
I remember, in my younger years, hearing people talk about doing thorough self research. I wondered why and how you chose to go through such an inner journey. Where did that begin? By buying self-growth books, giving step-by-step guidelines to try to understand yourself?
But I was who I was, and I didn’t see the point in making something so simple as ”being” so intricately complicated.
For some reason, I think I am in that zone now. And although some (probably a lot of) people go on that self-finding quest because they decide they have to do it, it just hit me out of the blue. I didn’t ask for it, it just came to me.
Is it this writing addiction of mine that brought me there? After spending so much time looking around for the little inspiring things I could find, and analizing people around me in silence, to pick situations, or character traits I could fit in a future story… Did I end up under my own microscope lense?
I just find myself spending more and more time weighing the good and the bad in my life, trying to find clues, to put the puzzle together, and make the most out of it all in the end. I am definately not in self pity mode, because I truly don’t feel any need for self pity. I just a great respect for Life in everything good and bad that happened to me so far.
I am no Carebear riding a unicorn. I recognize the not so great stuff in my life, and there’s a lot of it. But I try my best to look for a lesson whenever I hit a bump in the road.
Some think that people can’t change. I highly doubt that.
I feel like I am changing, slowly, for the better.
But it requires a lot of alone time. And a lot a thinking to myself. A whole lot of putting things into perspective, and rethinking all kind of things I took for granted.
I feel much more humble, facing so much I can’t control.
I am just like the flower above… Stunningly ordinary.
Just a stunningly ordinary work in progress.