This is something that I have a bit of difficulty with. I grew up in a family that held grudges. Still does. So my ability to forgive is good it is my ability to forget and let it go. However I am working on it. Except in the case of my brother. As childish as it is I hold a grudge against him lol and until he apologizes I will not be able to forgive or forget. 🙂
I think that most people manage to forgive at some point, but forgetting is much more difficult. I don’t know what your brother did to you, but I sure hope he’ll make up for it… It seems sad to hold grudges within your close family.
In a way, I think that not forgetting can be a way not to get caught twice… Which is good, but isn’t it a useless weigh on your shoulders, after a certain amount of time?
No to either. I was raised in a grudge holding family, lots of in-fighting and back biting and the whole sorry mess. It’s not a wonder that I have those traits. I have realized that not forgiving someone puts more of the burden on me and less on them, they are living ‘rent free’ in my head and so forth, so I work hard on forgiving people or at least letting more trivial things just go. But do I forGET? No.
Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice shame on me.
You are absolutely right… Holding grudges will hurt you much more than the people you are angry at. I wouldn’t say that I manage to forget, but when I forgive someone, I try to make sure not to bring up what they did to me every now and then.
Forgiving is a lot easier to do than forgetting. And it’s the not forgetting that makes it very difficult to move on. Forgiving and forgetting go hand in hand. Not easy to do.
I agree… I guess that we can’t totally forget the wrong people did on us, but at some point, you have to find a way to let it go. If only for your own good 🙂
Tricky question. The way I interpret it may be odd, but if simeone does you “wrong”, causes you grief or pain…whatever, you can forgive. Maybe another word would be excuse their action(s). Unfortunately, our memory doesn’t let go of it – never. We can “let it go” and go on with life and not retaliate or get even or mention the injury again. But we can’t forget. The memory does fade with time; it doesn’t raise our blood pressure as much as we get farther away from it. But it’s still there. We just have a different perspective.
This is a very interesting way to explain it. And I think you are right. I think that the tricky part is when you are still in touch with the person who did you wrong, and think about what they did or feel the need to remind them every now and then. In these cases, I think that it is better to part ways… Of course, it depends on the severity of the wrong doing, but when trust is broken for good…
Forgiveness is done for ourselves. Not forgiving is like swallowing poison hoping your enemy will die. We only hurt ourselves by holding onto bitterness. Forgiving sets us free!
But we don’t forget!
You can’t forget something that left a deep wound. You heal and the pain isn’t as sharp and its not consuming you anymore, but the memory never totally goes away. It just fades more into the background.
I really like that image… Grudge and hate really do hurt more the person who feels it, than the person it is directed at. Especially if the two people are no longer in touch with each other!
I can honestly say that no one has ever done anything to me that I have had the slightest hesitation in forgiving and forgetting. I can’t really understand how one could think any other way. Saying this makes me sound like some later day Ghandi, which clearly I am not. I have never felt the emotion of hate – perhaps I am just too cold and heartless to be bothered with it.
I wish I could say the same… Feeling hate and resentment against another person only hurts us. I’ve only hated two people in my life. The first time, I was young and foolish and lost way too much time wishing that this other person would hurt. The second time around, I had the wisdom to choose to ignore the person, instead of holding useless grudges against them… I guess aging has its advantages 😉
I will forgive a first “offense” and maybe even a second “offense,” but that’s as far as forgiving goes. Three strikes and your out. As far as forgetting, nope.
I do forgive easily but I don’t forget. Forgiveness is a release of the etheric connection we have to a person and a situation. Not forgetting can be a trap in a way if we allow it by holding a secret grudge if we don’t fully release and let go of it. For me though it is a way to remember a lesson learned.
I can forgive most things and do so in order to avoid developing resentments. However I am sorry to say that I am still struggling with forgiving my Mother. But I am working on it.
Cyranny's Cove 
This is something that I have a bit of difficulty with. I grew up in a family that held grudges. Still does. So my ability to forgive is good it is my ability to forget and let it go. However I am working on it. Except in the case of my brother. As childish as it is I hold a grudge against him lol and until he apologizes I will not be able to forgive or forget. 🙂
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I think that most people manage to forgive at some point, but forgetting is much more difficult. I don’t know what your brother did to you, but I sure hope he’ll make up for it… It seems sad to hold grudges within your close family.
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Interestingly right after your post I read one on Don’t forget the Half called Let it Go! One right after another a sign?
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I’d say that Life is trying to tell you something here… 😉
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I usually forgive but I don’t forgive
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In a way, I think that not forgetting can be a way not to get caught twice… Which is good, but isn’t it a useless weigh on your shoulders, after a certain amount of time?
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It sure is both. But when something gets trapped in my mind I find it hard to let go of it.
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No to either. I was raised in a grudge holding family, lots of in-fighting and back biting and the whole sorry mess. It’s not a wonder that I have those traits. I have realized that not forgiving someone puts more of the burden on me and less on them, they are living ‘rent free’ in my head and so forth, so I work hard on forgiving people or at least letting more trivial things just go. But do I forGET? No.
Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice shame on me.
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You are absolutely right… Holding grudges will hurt you much more than the people you are angry at. I wouldn’t say that I manage to forget, but when I forgive someone, I try to make sure not to bring up what they did to me every now and then.
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Forgiving is a lot easier to do than forgetting. And it’s the not forgetting that makes it very difficult to move on. Forgiving and forgetting go hand in hand. Not easy to do.
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I agree… I guess that we can’t totally forget the wrong people did on us, but at some point, you have to find a way to let it go. If only for your own good 🙂
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That’s all we can do. 🙂
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Not really. I am okay with forgiving but rarely forget.
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It sure is difficult to trust people again, when they have disappointed you.
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Tricky question. The way I interpret it may be odd, but if simeone does you “wrong”, causes you grief or pain…whatever, you can forgive. Maybe another word would be excuse their action(s). Unfortunately, our memory doesn’t let go of it – never. We can “let it go” and go on with life and not retaliate or get even or mention the injury again. But we can’t forget. The memory does fade with time; it doesn’t raise our blood pressure as much as we get farther away from it. But it’s still there. We just have a different perspective.
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This is a very interesting way to explain it. And I think you are right. I think that the tricky part is when you are still in touch with the person who did you wrong, and think about what they did or feel the need to remind them every now and then. In these cases, I think that it is better to part ways… Of course, it depends on the severity of the wrong doing, but when trust is broken for good…
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Forgiveness is done for ourselves. Not forgiving is like swallowing poison hoping your enemy will die. We only hurt ourselves by holding onto bitterness. Forgiving sets us free!
But we don’t forget!
You can’t forget something that left a deep wound. You heal and the pain isn’t as sharp and its not consuming you anymore, but the memory never totally goes away. It just fades more into the background.
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I really like that image… Grudge and hate really do hurt more the person who feels it, than the person it is directed at. Especially if the two people are no longer in touch with each other!
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It really does and I am not saying that forgiveness is easy at all, but I do believe it is vital for your well being!
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https://paperkutzs.com/2021/03/21/cyrannys-cove/
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I can honestly say that no one has ever done anything to me that I have had the slightest hesitation in forgiving and forgetting. I can’t really understand how one could think any other way. Saying this makes me sound like some later day Ghandi, which clearly I am not. I have never felt the emotion of hate – perhaps I am just too cold and heartless to be bothered with it.
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I wish I could say the same… Feeling hate and resentment against another person only hurts us. I’ve only hated two people in my life. The first time, I was young and foolish and lost way too much time wishing that this other person would hurt. The second time around, I had the wisdom to choose to ignore the person, instead of holding useless grudges against them… I guess aging has its advantages 😉
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I’ve always felt this way, so I still can’t find any positives in ageing!
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I’ll try to find something else, I’m pretty sure there is a silver lining to it 😉
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I will forgive a first “offense” and maybe even a second “offense,” but that’s as far as forgiving goes. Three strikes and your out. As far as forgetting, nope.
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I do forgive easily but I don’t forget. Forgiveness is a release of the etheric connection we have to a person and a situation. Not forgetting can be a trap in a way if we allow it by holding a secret grudge if we don’t fully release and let go of it. For me though it is a way to remember a lesson learned.
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I can forgive most things and do so in order to avoid developing resentments. However I am sorry to say that I am still struggling with forgiving my Mother. But I am working on it.
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Forgive, yes. Forget, not so much…
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Reblogged this on The Reluctant Poet.
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