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Better served…

Cyranny

 

Revenge…  The hunger for revenge is something absolutely innate, I think. I don’t think we learn to want to get back at people who hurt us. It is natural. Injure any animal, and it’ll want to bite back.

If anything, I think we learn not to crave revenge. Not all of us. Some stay comfortably on the “an eye for an eye” side. I’d like to say I don’t understand them, but I do. The reflex to inflict pain on someone who made you suffer is hard to repress. The idea of seeing the other hurt too is appealing.

I am glad my parents thaught me at a young age not to bend and give in to revenge. Because I have a live and ingenious imagination… If I was a revengeful person, I’d be dangerous. And I hate to say it, but sometimes it hurts not to let the primal need to bite back take over.

It hurts because I believe that it makes me look like a softy you can punch out, and not worry about the consequences. It makes me look like someone weak, who doesn’t fight back. Someone who stupidly turns the other cheek.

My, oh my…

I so wish the people who meanly and purposefully made me suffer, knew the truth. It being that they have been incredibly lucky. I wish, years later, I could tell them how lucky they once were.

It also hurts, because revenge feels good. It is satisfactory, even if only for a moment. Sad, but true. And the more you hurt, the better revenge tastes…

But I know the sour aftertaste of guilt is unbearable to me. And I have too big a heart not to feel regretful if I gave in. I’d end up loosing in the end.

It is just not worth it.

What do you think about it? I’m curious…

 

Oh! And a happy weekend to you all!!  LOL

 

 

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51 thoughts on “Better served…”

  1. I’m not sure I’m that evolved because the idea of revenge is very appealing to me. Maybe it’s because I feel like I’ve been punished throughout my life and I want someone to pay, dammit!! (Sorry… language.) But I also wonder what the point is. It would feel good. Great, even. But not forever. I, too, would feel incredible guilt. Sometimes, though, I want revenge so badly that I don’t care if it means I suffer, too.

    Oddly, I am watching Stephen Colbert right now and Mandy Patinkin is on and he was talking about his famous quote from The Princess Bride (Inigo Montoya… etc… etc…) but he said that there is another quote… only spoken once… that he thinks (and I agree) is one of the best lines ever…

    “I have been in the revenge business so long, now that it is over I do not know what to do with the rest of my life.”

    So so so weird that I heard Mr. Patinkin say those words about 30 seconds before I read your post…

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    1. Hehehehe the universe works in mysterious ways…. Still, it IS pretty special that this happened! Especially since this subject is not one I had in mind when I sat with my keyboard on my lap….

      I think it is absolutely natural that you feel the way you do about the whole revenge thing. You have a lot of hurt in your life, and that makes you call for a pay-back of some sort. We all seek justice in our lives…

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      1. I guess that’s true… I want justice. But maybe this is justice. Can I really blame anyone else for what my life is? It’s probably all on me. Even if I am the unluckiest person on earth…

        Don’t mind me… I woke up feeling overly sad this morning.

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      2. Sorry for the delay, Gorgeous… I spent a lot of today resting, away from the keyboard. Well, away from everything, really 😉

        I don’t think what you go through what’s going on in your life, as a punishment. It is natural thing to seek justice for the bad times you are experiencing, and the problem is, you can blame Life, but you can’t get back at it. It must be frustrating to say the least… :/

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      3. I was away for much of today, too. It wasn’t really planned… not entirely. Anyway…

        What really gets me most… and I’m sure we’re totally off topic by now… is how the crap in my life impacts my kids. You’re right… I can’t get back at life. I can’t do much of anything… it all feels beyond my control.

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  2. I am not a vengeful person. That said, if someone has done something hurtful to me or to someone who matters to me, I will completely disassociate with that person. They will know, in no uncertain terms, that they have done me wrong and no apologies or groveling will change my mind. I’m a once and done guy and I rarely offer a second chance because I’m pretty sure that whatever hurt they caused will likely happen again.

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    1. I think that’s a clever way to act when someone hurts you… I’m like that in general too, though I am usually open to second chances. But it is dang hard to re-gain my full trust in those cases… What I find the hardest (no surprise there) is when the person hurting me, is someone close. Then, it becomes a real problem 😉

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  3. to have a quick thought of revenge is probably natural in the moment but to follow that through to completion is the act of an immature coward. Not fighting back requires a far greater strength than the wilful sulken behaviour of revenge!
    Karma means every action and inaction has a corresponding consequence … so save yourself and be assured revenge will happen in a similar manner at another time.

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    1. I agree with calmkate. The urge to bite back is quite normal. I once heard a saying, “to withhold forgiveness is like drinking poison, hoping it will kill the one that offended you.” Revenge, grudges, and bitterness hurt us more than the other.

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    2. I totally agree with you, Kate!

      I do believe that it is far more difficult to sit down and not fight back in these situations… I know in the long run, I am always glad I didn’t succumb to my instincts in the beginning… But it is a life-long learning process.

      I am a bit torn, when it comes to thinking about karma. The devil on my shoulder keeps telling me that karma will take care of things one day or another… And the little angel on the other repeats that it is even better not to wish a karma come back… I can’t say that the angel always wins, but his voice is growing stronger and stronger as I grow in age 😉

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      2. Thank you, Kate… But I didn’t base my post on any particular event. It is more of a conversation I was having with myself after looking at people who easily get into revenge-mode, compared to how I personally deal with it… It is such a complex and intriguing concept, when you sit and really think about it… At least, I think. 🙂

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      4. Hehheheheh… Oh, I’ve been hurt my fair share of times… Some more recent than others. I think we’re all the same, on that level… But I really intended to talk about it in a very general way 🙂 And I think it is turning out great, with all the interesting points that were brought up already! And I am really glad you joined in the discussion:) xx And thank you for your concern…

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  4. To feel revengeful is a natural reaction, and to suppress it difficult. However, it is not okay to act on that feeling! I think we need to make a distinction here. We may desire to see revenge occur, or I like to think of it as karma, out of my hands, and for the universe to determine if revenge is necessary, but even though I may feel I want to see revenge, so that they can feel more empathy for my situation, I also feel guilty when a revengeful action occurs to them. This is the paradox. To think of revenge as a feeling of wanting more empathic responses in the offender is a more accurate description and one that cannot be responded to in a violent or hurtful way, as it is about what you want the others to feel. A complex subject.

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    1. It is, indeed such a complex matter…

      I think you described my way of seeing it beautifully! Isn’t it weird that our gut instinct response to “you hurt me” is “I’ll punch you back, so you know how it feels too!!” ?The result is there, but it just creates more, useless, pain. The second natural reaction is to draw back after getting hurt, but that leaves you with the frustrating feeling that the person doesn’t how much they hurt you…

      I guess, in an ideal world, the good thing to do would be to sit down with the person who hurt you, and talk it over…. But when the hurt is done in a mean and intentional way, the offender isn’t usually very open to dialogue… Leaving you with a dilemma 😉

      Thank you for your comment, very interesting! xx

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      1. Indeed! In an ideal world we could mediate on every conflict and there would be a higher level of understanding and good communication. If only…..
        But people are imperfect and we live in an imperfect world, so we have to muddle through as best we can. All the while intentionally trying our best to improve, I hope!!

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      2. I agree. It is a long and intricate process to evolve as a community. It is difficult as a person, so changing the world….

        But if we all take the time to sit back and think about Life a little, it sure wouldn’t be a bad thing. Unfortunately, with the constant entertainment present everywhere in our lives, I think people tend to do that less and less… But maybe, that’s just an impression 😉

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      3. I think it is more than an impression. It is a process that takes dedication. True that people are more concerned with what others can do to being them happiness more so than what they can also do.

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  5. That sounds very likely to me: an instinct that is now more harmful to us than beneficial, and which we need to evolve out of for our own sakes and the sake of trying to build a better mode of existence. To this day, though, I don’t know if I’ve truly met anyone who mastered the fine art of “loving one’s enemies”. That moral ideal seems as ahead of its time as ever …

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    1. I like that angle, Eleanor… It is something primal we’d probably live a lot better without! An almost animal instinct that we no longer really need….

      You’re point made me think of the sometimes almost praised form of revenge. The “you killed one of my people, I’ll kill one of your people” type… It makes me think about it as the most primal sense of “justice”.

      This whole conversation is very interesting… I thought it would be, when the subject came to my mind 😉 Thank you for your point of view!

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    1. I agree that it is the best, grown up way to act… Though that’s often easier said than done 😛 When the emotions kick in, it is sometimes hard to act the right way 🙂 xx

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  7. We have a built in sense of justice – that wrongs should be punished. How much easier it is to swallow when the justice comes not from ourselves but some other source. The universe tends to be a place that seeks balance, so when the scales are tipped one way, call it karma, call it sowing what you reap, justice tends to tip the scales back toward the offender. Sometimes in ways we can’t even imagine!

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    1. I like that angle… It is true that the concept of punishment is better seen, if it comes from a courthouse, or from Life (karma, for some, God for others)… When it is an individual that seeks some self-justice, it becomes a bad thing… But in the end, the base is the same…

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  9. That’s a very interesting question. I have often wondered if the families of victims in countries where capital punishment is possible where the offender has been killed by the state really feel better for it. That’s a state form of revenge isn’t it? I wish someone would make a documentary about how they feel a year after the offender has been killed.

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    1. Yet another good point, I thought about after reading all the interesting comments…

      “Justice” in general, is based on the revenge concept. You do something wrong, you get punished accordingly… Just by the government, instead of an angry person.

      When you mentionned capital punishment, I immediately thought “If someone killed a loved one of mine, I’d rather know that the person would suffer in prison forever”… and figured that my primal instinct is not to spare the killer’s life, but to make him suffer on the long run…

      I feel like I still have a lot of work to do on myself to be a better person!

      I doubt that any punishment really soothes grieving families…

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      1. That is exactly what I feel. My feeling is also that those countries who have capital punishment aren’t usually more peaceful than those who haven’t . but that’s not very scientific. But I am also not as naive that I think I would never want revenge. If one of my family got killed especially my nephews or my stepchildren I don’t know what I would do. Also if there is someone wanting to kill me and I have a weapon in my hands I am sure I would shoot etc first. It’s all confusing because at the same time I believe that violence breeds more violence so you are probably right. We better work to become more peaceful 😚

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  10. Sometimes it feels so damn good to get back at someone and they know who it was. And sometimes it just feels great to put dog poop in their mailbox and let them have a think about it.
    Not that I would do that.
    Again.

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    1. LOL why can I picture you doing just that?? 😛

      I am good at “thinking about revenge”, but even then, I feel guilty. I think I just can’t be mean, even when I could claim to have good reasons …

      Maybe I could pay you to get back at people for me?… Kind of my hit-woman, just not killing anybody 😛

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      3. Here we get everything electronically these days. Emails and SMS . I guess that’s why they invented the poop emoji. So that we can still send shit to each other . Even the shit goes online…where is life taking us…

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  11. I think it depends on the type of revenge. One of my best ever was moving on and having a family. While the person who hurt me didn’t.

    Of course at the time, ripping his tongue out and forcing him to eat and then setting him on fire was my initial response

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    1. That’s a great revenge (the having a family one), I must admit. But it doesn’t really apply to just any type of conflict 😉

      I think that my most satisfying mental revenge was when a “friend” of mine stole my college sweetheart away. I used to imagine I dropped a piano on her… I just loved to imagine the sound of it crashing on the ground… LOL It still makes me giggle to this day 😛

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    1. Good point, Dee 😉 And in a way, I think that when you manage to do just that, it shows that you just realized that person didn’t deserve you wasting any energy on getting your revenge 😉

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  13. Well, according to the Klingons “Revenge is a dish best served cold”😋

    Personally, I’m more of a “Cause and Effect” type. Not vindictive, that just requires too damn much energy. But if you step on the dragon’s tail, don’t complain about promptly being toast(ed).
    Prompt is the keyword here, because that way the smoldering offender can make the connection between his/her behavior and the reaction, and hopefully learn to not do that again.

    I suppose it’s a balance every person has to find for themselves, that sweet spot between Raging Fury and Gentle Pushover. There’s also the “Offense Threshold” to consider – stuff that sends one person into rage quits barely makes another blink (a good example is youngest Valkyrie who loves to yell at idiot drivers from the passenger seat, while mother just rolls her eyes and maybe mumbles something impolite).

    It’s also not a fixed state – over the years I’ve become more patient in some ways, less tolerant in others. Sweet spot, that’s the ticket. Close enough will do…

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