Staring at the plug once again…

I’ve been there before. I don’t really want to. I really don’t want to…

I have to, though.

Face to face with the fridge, there is no turning back this time! Well, I do have to return behind it to pull the plug and call it a go.

Alright,  freezer, it’s between you and me now!

For years I’ve let you stock in ice, little by little. At the beginning, it was just a thin slice, and I didn’t mind it. But you kept getting it thicker and thicker and I started threatening to unplug you. Then, I tried to ignore you, not buying anything I would need to keep frozen. After a few months, I took a look, and you had gone berzerk. Completely insane in the brain!

There was barely enough space left to put a popsicle! How could you??

Now, not only do I have to unplug you, but I’ll have to find some magic trick to de-ice  you! You dang freezer! Dang dang dang freezer!

I turned to my best friend, Google, and searched for magic formulas or neat tricks to rid you of all that ice. There were some ideas, alright! But they all seemed fit for people in good terms with their freezers…

• Spraying very hot water in the freezer…  – Yeah, keep giggling, I’ll find something better!
• Putting a big pot of boiling water in the freezer, closing the door and letting the magic happen. – That one I like, but I could barely fit a shooter in the gap in the middle of the ice. Not sure it will do the trick.
• Breaking the ice, using mild force, not to hurt break the freezer. – Mild… I don’t know, but I think force might help.

Using the handle of my biggest chef knife, I start hammering around… Not very effective. Unless my goal was to annoy neighbours with the noise. I suddenly regret never having taken ice carving classes. That carving thingie would have come in handy… Yeah, no carving thingie in sight, but I do have a hammer…

The hammer turns out not being much more effective. The only difference is that my face and shirt are covered with ice chips… Your smirk is just motivating me, you know? I will not give up that easily…

Back to the drawing board. Google says a safe and effective way is to use a hair dryer. It looks pretty popular among Internauts too, so I go fetch the dusty appliance that was last used… Hmmm way back in time when I beleived drying my hair with it would give it volume (yeah, right!)

Next round… Ding! Ding! Ding!

I wonder if I should have a strategy. Do I start at the bottom, or at the top? I decide to go freestyle, I  put some music on, and start blowing full blast. I soon have to stop, not having thought about the water dripping on the floor… Yeah melted ice is also known as water, which I seem to have forgotten, too concentrated on my will to get over with my task.

Quick trip to the bathroom to get towels, and when I get back in the kitchen, my jaw drops. How the hell did you manage to make more ice? Where did you take the water? You’re not even plugged!?!  The small whole in the ice has disapeared, and instead of discouraging me, I feel enraged.

You want war? You’ll get war!

I get outside and head for the shed… Never thought I’d say it was a good idea chéri bought a chainsaw! (But it was really cheap, honey! You never know when it can come in handy!) I get back in with my badass gear…  Yeah baby! Not laughing anymore eh?? I start the chainsaw…

My turn to laugh now! The ice chips fly around in the kitchen… Take that sucker!!

Wing wang zing zang!!!!

I have carved a hole almost the size of a bowling ball, when I feel a pat on my shoulder… I turn my head to see two policemen standing in my kitchen.

• Sorry ma’m, we had complaints… We rang the bell, but you didn’t answer and the door was unlocked… You can’t use a chainsaw indoors, it is against the city’s rules.. I’m going to ask you to either take your fridge outside or change your method… Have you thaught about using a pot of hot water?

Dang! I take a minute to “thank” the two agents, and lock the door behind them. I guess I’ll have to go extreme, and you don’t know what’s coming!! With an evil laugh, I walk to the guest room, open the closet’s door and reach for a wooden box on the top shelf.

Back in the kitchen once again, I open the box. This time it is one of my weird expenses, and I sure don’t regret paying the price…

A Holy Hand Grenade of Antioc!

Yeah, you should be shaking! You’ve heard Monty Python’s classic many times even if you can’t see the tv from the kitchen. You know what will happen when I have finished counting…

I take the Holy Hand Grenade from its red velvet casing, and pull the pin with a satisfied grin…

• One…

I put the hand grenade in the hole…

• Two…

I close the door…

• Three!

 

*BOOOOOM!!!*

Yeah, I know… I can be a bit extreme sometimes, but it is part of my charm, isn’t it? And look how neat you look now!!

 

 

And here’s a little extra for those of you who haven’t seen Monty Python and the Holy Grail… A must see movie, really!